


You're Not Alone

by IAmProudOfUs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, But he changes, But you will not be disappointed with this story, Castiel goes big brother on Lucifer, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I Suck At These Tags, I promise!, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lucifer is a dick in the beginning, Lucifer is a sweety in the end, M/M, Self-Hatred (Light?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:59:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8055457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmProudOfUs/pseuds/IAmProudOfUs
Summary: When Lucifer has finally decided to resolve his differences and speak with Castiel so he can simply live a quiet life they are ambushed. Lucifer is gravely injured and only one man loves him enough to give his life for him. Soul and Grace are bound, sacrifices are made, and one man does everything he can for the archangel he loves, but the pain is greater than he anticipated. Still, he will stay true, no matter what happens.





	You're Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of these characters, except my poorly written original character, everyone else belongs to the creators of Supernatural. This is a story of pure fiction and simply creative at it's base. 
> 
> It was unbeted (don't hate me?) I tried, but there are things I need to corrected, however I really wanted to post this, it's been killing me. 
> 
> I have plans for timestamps and for a few smutty chapters ;) But those will come later. This is a stand alone story and I will make the other stand alone as well so you don't HAVE to read this to understand the others, so enjoy reading any or all of them :) 
> 
> Please be kind and IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS PLEASE LET ME KNOW  
> I love hearing from you all and I love to add your ideas to my stories :) It makes it all that much better. If you have any particular kinks you want me to add in the smutty chapters let me know and I'll see what I can do ;) 
> 
> Enjoy!

It was late in the evening when you heard the crash, it woke you up, but you weren’t frightened. Years of fighting with Dean and Sam made you realize that even if you were scared you could fight whatever was coming after you. Quickly, and quietly, you grabbed your gun and ran out of your room in your boxers seeing Dean and Sam both doing the same. You looked around and saw that there was sound coming from the library so they all moved to it on high alert. As they drew closer Dean took point and you and Sam moved behind him following his lead. When they got to the library there was a figure lying on the ground, two actually. One was Castiel who looking a little worse for ware, but he was getting up and kneeling over the other one who was… You dropped your gun and ran over, “Lucifer!” You cried and Sam and Dean both looking at you like you were crazy, “Lucy, what happened?” You asked, you knew everyone besides Cas would find this very strange, but Lucifer had saved your life on more than one occasion and you owed him your life so many times over at this point. Lucifer looked to be just fine, but you knew looks could be deceiving and as he laid there still and unconscious you looked to Cas, “What happened?” You asked him worried as tears pricked your eyes, “He was coming to talk with me, we had come to an agreement and he is just tired of feuding. He wants to disappear, live in peace, but while we were talking we were ambushed.” He said and his eyes turned dark, “The other angels, they… They want him dead and I fear they may accomplish that.” He said and you felt your heart sink, “Is there nothing we can do?” You asked desperation shining in yours, “There is one thing, but…” He said looking hesitant at you, “Please Cas, I’ll do anything.” You said a tear falling, “I can’t lose him.” You said and Cas sighed softly, “He will need to merge with your soul, his grace is damaged beyond repair.” He said his voice grave, his brother would die if they didn’t act soon and his face told you everything you needed to know. You thought about Lucifer dying, letting him die, but you couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t try to save him, not after all he’s done for you. It took a second for you to commit and you would never back down from this, not if it meant saving him, “I’ll do it.” You said and this is when Dean stepped in, “What the hell?” He asked and you snapped your head over to him confused and angry, “This is the devil we are talking about, he wants everyone dead, wanted to kill all the angels and all the humans and everything. The bringer of the damn apocalypse!” He said his voice getting angrier and angrier, “Why in Gods name would you want to save him?!” He asked you clearly mad about wanting to save, what he thought was, the devil, but you knew the truth. You looked at him standing up, you were shorter than both of them, honestly you were short for a man, but that didn’t keep you from intimidating the boys from time to time, “Because I love him.” You said meeting his challenge, but Dean didn’t back down, even if he was shocked, not until Sam touched his shoulder and they both walked away clearly not happy with you, but Sam saw your determination at least. 

After they walked away Castiel placed a hand on your shoulder, “I have to tell you.” He said his voice saddened, “This process may be too much for you.” He said and you looked to him with a soft smile his own expression grave and sorrowful, “If I die to save him then so be it, he’s the reason I’m alive today anyway.” You said looking at the archangel with a calm smile, “If I die for him then I’ll have repaid him and hopefully given him a second chance to live the life he truly wants.” You said and sighed softly, you would love to be by his side in his said new life, but you knew that it was probably not possible. You didn’t expect to live, Castiel was kind and gave you the benefit of the doubt, but you assumed the worst. Castiel smiled at you, something you weren’t accustomed to seeing, and placed a hand on your shoulder, “You’re a very honorable man.” He said and you smiled, “I don’t think so, but thank you Cas.” You said and he nodded then went to Lucifer and picked him up, “It would be best to do this in your room.” He said and you nodded, “When he wakes up he will recognize it at the very least and may not be as alarmed as he would be if it was unfamiliar ground.” He said and you nodded with understanding and walked to your room with Castiel behind you carried the dying angel. You swallowed seeing how he was already withering. As Castiel set him on the bed you sat next to him and placed a hand on his cheek, “He looks so vulnerable.” You said tears pricking your eyes, but you refused to let them fall, not now, “Is this guaranteed to save him?” You asked looking to Castiel and he nodded, “It is, but… It’s not guaranteed that you will survive.” He said and you nodded looking back to the archangel, “As long as he lives I will be happy.” You said smiling and kissing Lucifer's cheek gently, “Please tell him that it’s my wish for him to not return to the way he was.” You said speaking to Castiel, but not looking away from Lucifer, “I don’t want my sacrifice to be for nothing.” You said and Castiel nodded, “I will make sure your last wishes are made known to him.” He said and then he directed you to lay down. You closed your eyes and sighed softly, you were ready for this, if Sam and Dean weren’t going to support you then you would fork this alone, “I’ll need you to keep your eyes closed, this will require me to unleash my true form and that would kill you instantly.” He said and you nodded, “Got it, if I want to live don’t open my eyes.” You said and then closed your eyes and grabbed Lucifer’s hand gently, he was so cold. It reminded you that he’s been so alone for millennia, he was forced to leave his family, live alone and fend for himself that he turned cold long ago. Castiel wasn’t this cold, in fact he was warm to touch, but you thought Dean played a hand in that. As you thought and felt your heartbreak anew for Lucifer you could see light, even with your eyes closed, and it was bright. You ended up pressing your face into Lucifer’s neck hiding away from it, afraid you may accidentally open your eyes. After a while you felt something touching you, not physically, but inside of you, touching your soul. It was so gentle and caring, what was it? You could feel your soul reaching out to it, it couldn’t be harmful, not with how gentle it was. After a moment you realized it was Castiel, he was gently moving your soul, to where you had no idea, but he was moving it and taking the utmost care not to actually touch it. A moment later and you felt yourself floating, still pressed against Lucifer, but somehow you felt suspended in air a well. It was very quick what happened next, but you’ll never forget it, nor will you ever forget the pain. Your soul was split in half, the shock was short lived as pain rippled through your body and tried to scream, but nothing came out, you had no voice to scream with. You had no idea that it would be this painful though it still wouldn’t have dissuaded you. It felt like an eternity before the pain started to lessen and then you felt part of your soul return mixed with grace which in turn mixed with the rest of your soul, it was amazing and so pleasant because the grace seemed to take away all of the pain and you sighed softly against Lucifer’s neck, he didn’t feel so cold anymore. Once you felt the pain go away you started to black out, it was gradual, but eventually you lost consciousness and greeted the blackness as deaths gentle embrace. 

When you woke up your eyes shot open and you sat up quickly looking around, you were in your room, but Lucifer wasn’t here, you were still in the bunker though, were you in heaven? You stood up and cautiously walked to your door, but before you could get there someone was in your room and you didn’t even think to ask who it was you grabbed the nearest thing to you, a small knife, and threw it at the figure. You heard it hit and knew it sunk in, but the figure didn’t react to it and you felt your hair stand on end, maybe you were in hell. You swallowed and stepped back pressing against the door feeling your heart race, you didn’t know who or what the figure was so you waited until they stepped into some light. When they did you wanted to die all over again, it was Michael and you somehow knew it even though their vessel wasn’t what Michael was normally in. You pressed up against the door more feeling so small and weak, this was an archangel, what hope did you have against it? When the archangel moved closer you swallowed thickly and watched as his wings, (you could see his wings?), arched behind him clearly aggressive. You felt your chest contract as you saw him about to strike you which made you flinch and put your arms up to try and block it, but as he came down to attack you, you felt your surroundings change and you opened your eyes and shot out of bed. What the hell? You looked around and whimpered, “C-Cas?” You called out afraid of what might be out there, you didn’t want to leave your bed at all. When you said his name thought you heard the familiar sounds of his wings, you knew what his wings sounded like when he flew, they all had a distinct sound. He looked so large with his wings and honestly it frightened you after you had that, nightmare, of Michael, “C-Cas?” You asked feeling your heart rate pick up speed as you looked at his wings afraid, “It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” He said his wings folding behind him and pressing close to his body comfortably. They looked much less threatening now, but you were still on edge, “I’m sorry, I forget when a human is merged with grace they can perceive angel wings. I did not mean to frighten you.” He said and you nodded, “I-It’s okay.” You said swallowing thickly and looking around, “Where is Lucifer?” You asked worried that something horrible happened to him, “I-Is he okay?” You asked worry shining through and Castiel smiled, it was still something you weren’t used it, “He is doing perfectly fine, he’s still healing, but he will make a full recover, his wings are a bit worse for wear though.” He said and his smile turned to a frown, “The angels did a number on them.” He added and you immediately got up, “Take me to him.” You said and Castiel looked at you, “I don’t think you want to see him as he is right now.” He said, “His wings are… They are not an easy sight.” He said and you shook your head, “Castiel.” You said your voice firm, you weren’t going to be away from him any longer, you had to see him with your own eyes, you wanted to be the first person he saw, even if he wouldn’t be so happy with you. He had told you if he ever would be in a dying state to let him die, made you promise not to do anything that would hurt yourself to save him, but… You couldn’t lose him. Castiel sighed and shook his head, “Come with me.” He said and you followed Castiel to one of the larger bedrooms, “He is resting in there, Dean and Sam insisted he be chained to the bed so he is restrained, but I carry the key, when he wakes I will come and make sure he is at least calm before I release him.” He said and you frowned, of course Dean and Sam would want him to be tied up like a mad dog. You didn’t let your emotions rupture, but you were angry at them, they could fuck off for all you cared. You steeled yourself and opened the door, but nothing could prepare you for what you saw. Lucifer was on his stomach, sleeping so peacefully, but… His wings were so torn and broken. They were matted with dirt and grim, god only knows how long it’s been since his last grooming, and they were all bent in awkward angles and positions like the bones had been broken and healed without trying to set them. You knew what to do while you waited for Lucifer to wake up at the very least, but your heart was torn to shreds imaging how much pain he must be feeling, “When will he wake up?” You asked looking to Castiel who sighed softly, “Later rather than sooner I’m afraid, he will be like this for at least three weeks, his body is using the energy taken from your soul to heal itself and as it does that it puts his body in a state of rest until it is finished.” He said and you nodded, “Can I ask you a favor?” You asked and Castiel nodded, “Of course, whatever do you need?” He asked and you rubbed the back of your neck as you looked at Lucifer’s wings, it broke your heart and you wanted to do something, “Teach me about wings.” You said and Castiel looked taken aback, later you found out that wings are a very, very, intimate body parts of angels and only a single person could touch an angel’s wings, it was uncommon, but not unheard of, of a human touching and even grooming angel wings. You took a week and Castiel taught you so much, how to care for them, how to groom them, he knew what you wanted to do and he encouraged you, he wanted his brother to have someone to look after him. 

After you learned all you could from Castiel you got the things you would need, it would be a long process, honestly you expected this to take a week if not longer, but Lucifer would be out for the next two weeks or more and the healing process would help a lot because his wings would also heal correctly so you knew the timing was right. You got everything ready and went to him. You knelt beside the bed and gently ran your fingers through his hair, “If you hate me after this I won’t hold it against you, but… I couldn’t live without you.” You said and leaned down to kiss his head, “Please forgive me.” You whispered and then let a couple tears fall, you assumed this was basically going to ruin your relationship with Lucifer, he may want you dead, but you won’t stop him, you only wanted the best for him and this was your way of doing the last thing you knew how, to help him. You sighed softly and started playing some music as you first cleaned his wings. You couldn’t tell what color they were at all, not at all, but when you started cleaning them you couldn’t help but smile and laugh because his wings were bright pink and sparkling, “Of course this is the color of your wings.” You said as you laughed again and continued to clean them, “So beautiful.” You said softly, you were being so gentle as you pulled the feathers out. It was part of the grooming and Castiel even demonstrated with his own wings that it was natural and didn’t hurt. It was very similar to when a person washes their hair and some dead strands fall out, not painful just natural. You smiled contently as you groomed his wings, the feeling was so otherworldly and yet so familiar. As you cleaned you got lost and didn’t eat anything or even leave the room until you were finished washing his wings. All of the dirt and grime and all the nasty stuff was finally out of his wings and they were shining radiantly, It made your heart flutter seeing them so clean and beautiful. You knew the oil glands would produce everything you needed to coat his wings thoroughly so you didn’t worry. After all of that you swallowed and decided to call it a day, you needed a rest and you needed to prepare for basically breaking his wings to set them straight. After a shower of your own and some food in your stomach you went and rested in your room falling into a deep sleep, something you haven't had in a long time, you didn’t dream, you didn’t imagine, you just rested. 

The next day you woke up and actually felt so good, like somehow you had just slept off all of the years and the pain and toil of hunting. You smiled and felt so good, so good actually that you snuggled into bed and just rested for a good hour until you decided to get up. You sighed softly, happily, and dressed into some shorts and a t-shirt then went over to Lucifer’s room. His wings were so beautiful, bright pink and they even sparkled which made you laugh a little bit, “I wonder how all the other angels thought about it.” You said and then went over to him kneeling beside the bed and looking at his face. He looked so peaceful right now and you were proud of yourself that you were able to save him, help him at all really. He was such a powerful and awesome creature that you never thought in a million years you would have been able to help him in any way and now you’ve helped to save his life. Even if he hated you for the rest of your life you would always love him and wish for his safety and triumph. 

You kissed his forehead gently, “I’ll be back to take care of your wings after I eat something, okay?” You said like he could actually hear you, but you liked to think he could, it gave you comfort, even if just a small bit. You left and went to the kitchen grabbing a quick bite before you grabbed the few books Castiel had given to you about how to care for angel wings, it was amazing that they even existed, but then you had a sneaking suspicion that he had a hand in created these books, but you didn’t mind, it made you smile that Castiel was trying to help you. You read up with Lucifer about how to set his wings and swallowed knowing it would cause him, “Please don’t have me.” You said after you read the books, “I… I guess it’s your choice, I’ve probably, or am about to, cross every line ever drawn about angel wings, especially archangel wings.” You said and looked down, “I can’t stand the thought of you hating me, but I’ll accept it. I know you could never love me, but I think it might also be foolhardy to believe you wouldn’t hate me after all I’ve done to you.” You said, you couldn’t imagine any angel being okay with someone touching their wings despite their motive. You sighed softly, “It’s been said that it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.” You said and laughed mirthlessly, “Perhaps I shouldn’t have presumed you would want this.” You said and frowned, “But… I can’t… I won’t let you go around with your wings looking like that. You’re a majestic fucking angel and you’re going to look better than those stupid pigeons up their in their cage.” You said frowning, “Hurting your wings is something I could never forgive.” You said already getting angry, you had to focus on something other than Lucifer’s imagined burning hate for you. 

It was a long and… Very hard thing to do, but you corrected his wings. You swallowed thickly after it was all done at the end of the week, “At least you can show those feather brains that they can’t do anything to permanently hurt you.” You said and sighed softly, “Dean and Sam are going on a hunt and they want me to go, but… I can’t leave you now, they must see that and for once… I don’t want to go on a hunt.” You said smiling at Lucifer, “I want to stay here, with you.” You said and laid down, you were tired and just wanted to rest, it was exhausting setting his bones and now that you’ve finished you could actually get some good rest. You yawned and decided that it was too much work to go to the guest room you’ve been staying in so you just stayed in your room and snuggled close to Lucifer nuzzling his neck happily as you slowly fell asleep. You dreamt of being with Lucifer, in more ways than one. 

You were walking around outside just enjoying the sunshine when you heard someone scream. It alarmed you and instinct took over and you ran to the voice seeing Lucifer and Michael fighting. You knew you didn’t stand a chance, but you weren’t going to let your archangel be killed by that asshole so you ran at him, an angel blade appearing in your hand, and you jumped at him attacking. It was so shocking, but you landed a hit on the archangel who fell to the ground and you made sure to push it in deeper killing him. He ended up disappearing and you sighed heavily looking around and seeing Lucifer standing there with fear plastered all over his face. You immediately let go of the angel blade and went to him slowly, afraid he was going to run away, “Lucifer?” You asked softly extending your hand gently to touch him and as you did he looked at you, but this time it wasn’t fear, but lust that filled his eyes. He surged forward and you were helpless to stop him, not that you wanted to, he ravished your body taking you in so many ways making you moan and cry out for him. It was all happening so fast, but at the same time so slow. When you finally woke up you moaned and felt some serious morning wood in your boxers, “Fuck, I need a shower.” You said and then you stood and went to lock your door. You always locked your door when you showered because you did a few extra things that you never wanted them to see. You stripped out of your clothes, content that Lucifer would be passed out for at least a three more days, and proceed to go to your drawer and grab a toy that has been your best friend for the past year. The dildo was large and long, it filled you easily, and it had a cumtube attached at the base. You smiled because you loved that feature, you loved to imagine it was Lucifer fucking you, or you were riding, and he would cum inside of you filling you up and maybe even impregnating you. You moaned as you thought about it then bit your lip, you needed to keep it down until you turned the water on. You grabbed some lube and then went to the atomen that you used when you wanted to ride you angel. You set it up beside the door to the bathroom and then went to the bathroom turning the water on so it could make noise and you could cover up your moans. You sided softly as you lubed up the dildo and then started to finger yourself slowly. You moaned softly imagining all the things Lucifer had done to you in your dreams and then after you opened yourself up you started to sink down on the cock moaning dirtily as you bottomed out completely. Your ass was completely full of cock and you were moaning like a bitch in heat. After panting for a moment and adjusting you started to ride the cock, you had straddled the atomen easily so you could get the leverage to actually ride it, moaning and panting as you went. It was long before you were reaching orgasm and you couldn’t help any noises that you made or the fact that you were arching your back making the cock rub your prostate so perfectly well. You bit your lip to keep from crying out and then you sunk down one last time cumming hard on the cock, your cum shot out and hit your chin and cheek as well as your chest and stomach while you pushed down on the syringe and cumlube flooded your ass making you feel so full and fucked like a whore, “Oh Lucifer.” You moaned as you rocked back and forth the cumlube making your insides feel so strange, but so good. You kept the dildo inside you as you stood and moved the atomen back to the chair you stole it from then went to the bathroom and started showering making sure to clean yourself and your toy off thoroughly. After half an hour you were all clean and shaven once again, you hated hair, but you didn’t have the money to get laser hair removal just yet. You had already gotten it on your chest, armpits, and legs, but you still needed to get it on your crotch and ass, you didn’t like hair all that much. After you finished and got out of the shower you dressed in some boxer briefs and some silk pj pants, unlocked the door, and then went to snuggle up to the angel. You felt so much better now that you had been able to cum and honestly you didn’t want to move away from him. It broke your heart thinking that he would hate you after all of this, but he could stand loud and proud of his wings at least. You sighed softly and nuzzled his neck, “I’m so sorry.” You whimpered and cried silently into his neck, “Please forgive me.” You whimpered so quietly you didn’t know if anyone would’ve heard you. You had spent so much time taking care of Lucifer’s wings and making sure he was comfortable and looking after him as well that you didn’t know how you would handle him hating you. You ended up crying yourself to sleep, something that wasn’t normal, but right now was such a nerve wracking time because of everything with Lucifer. You napped for quite a while and after about three hours you woke up and nuzzled Lucifer’s neck gently, he was so warm now, something that he wasn’t usually and you hoped it had to do with you, though you didn’t believe it was. After a little while you got out of bed and went to the kitchen making some breakfast food, but you didn’t know exactly what time it was. You figured it was probably closer to six or seven especially when Sam came in from a jog. You didn’t notice him, but you knew he had walked into the bunker. You hummed softly as you mulled about getting the things you needed for breakfast, it was kind of nice not having to go on a hunt so much, you liked the time off and honestly wanted to sit this one out, more so because of Lucifer, but you also just wanted more time off. When Sam came into the kitchen he was shocked to see you cooking breakfast, “You can cook?” He asked shocked and you shrugged, “Yeah, what gave you the impression that I couldn’t?” You asked curiously as you cracked some eggs and poured some pancake batter onto the skillet, you had bacon, eggs, pancakes and some oatmeal going, it was going to be a hearty breakfast, you were in a good mood right now. Sam scoffed, “You never helped when I asked for it.” He said and you chuckled, “That’s cause I normally don’t want to cook.” You said and smiled as you made the food, “Well what made you want to cook breakfast?” He asked and you shrugged, “I don’t know, I’m just in a really good mood today.” You said and as if on cue Dean walked in groggy and mopey as usual and grabbed the coffee that was brewing then took a seat, “Mmm.” He grunted and you couldn’t help chuckling, he wasn’t much of a morning person when he stayed up late with Castiel. Sam rolled his eyes, “Morning.” He said in response to Dean and you did the same finishing up breakfast. You made extra because castiel always took some from Dean’s plate. After you finished you sat down and hummed happily, “Breakfast is served.” You said and started eating happily, you were in your own little world, “So are you coming with us on the hunt?” He asked and you shrugged, “I don’t think so, it’s just a salt and burn, plus I want some time for myself. I have… Some things I need to work out before I take another job.” You said looking down, you had to deal with Lucifer possibly hating you. Sam gave you a look, but you didn’t see it as he just shrugged and kept eating. It was a quiet breakfast and after you finished you even did the dishes then went back to your room. You saw Lucifer laying there and it break your heart to see him chained up like that, wasn’t there something we could do about it? You knew you couldn’t do anything with the boys here, but you hated leaving him chained up. You ended up going to your desk and grabbing a sketchbook and some pencils you had bought a little while ago. You picked up sketching a while ago, something that you found relaxing for the most part, it was something you could get lost in and you smiled. You looked at Lucifer and were so happy to see his wings were healed up almost perfectly, the feathers were beautiful, they almost glowed with power and beauty. Each feather you noticed had a sort of silver lining that sparkled, it made your heart flutter seeing how beautiful his wings were and you wished they would envelope you. Your heart ached for that, but you pushed those feelings down for the most part, it wouldn’t help pining after someone who would never want you. You decided not to focus on that as you started to sketch Lucifer’s wings, you would never be able to do them true justice, but you could come close to it. You smiled as you got lost in sketching his wings, his content face, him in a comfortable position laying in bed. You even got carried away and drew him in what you imagined was his armor based on the early century artists who painted them with slightly medieval armor. You made him look fierce and protective, he was protecting an injured fox from those that wanted to hurt it and smiled. You could imagine Lucifer protecting those who can’t help themselves, those who are weak or injured, from the vicious beasts who wanted to hurt them. You liked to imagine you were the fox who Lucifer was protecting, the one who he wouldn’t let any harm come to, it was probably the closest you would get to Lucifer's love, but you were started to come to terms with that. You made your choice and even if it meant he hated you for the rest of eternity you would make the same choice again, he could at least stand proud with his wings. 

Eventually you finished sketching and set the pad on your desk happy with the end product. Lucifer’s wings looked so fierce and intimidating, but they didn’t look so scary to you as you gazed the sketch. You made sure to add color only to his wings, the pink stood out against the black and grey of the lead. You sighed softly and looked at the time yawning, you’d spent several hours drawing, it was already four o’clock when you started probably around nine or ten. You hummed happily and stretched feeling your joints pop then you decided to take a nap. You snuggled up to Lucifer in the bed and smiled, you felt so snuggly and happy right now that you couldn’t help nuzzling his neck and kissing it gently, “I love you.” You whispered softly finally confessing how you felt over the years you’ve known this angel, you weren’t afraid of your feelings, but you were afraid that Lucifer wouldn’t feel the same way. However, this fear had been slowly fading as you came to terms with the possibility of Lucifer despising you. It pained you think of it, but you knew it was the harsh reality, “I supposed you don’t feel the same way.” You said softly and gently ran your fingers through his hair and smiled so gently, he was so fragile despite his argument that he was the opposite, “But… That doesn’t matter to me anymore.” You said and chuckled, “I don’t care if you don’t ever, or couldn’t ever, love me back because I love you regardless of your feelings towards me.” You said and smiled softly at him, “If I had to give my soul up for you and I knew for a fact it I wouldn’t survive I would do it in a heartbeat.” You said and sighed softly, “You’ve already given me a second life to live and if I could ever do the same for you I would.” You said and kissed his hair, “I hope I have.” You added softly and then nuzzled closer to him and yawned, “You mean the world to me Lucifer, I could never live without you.” You said as you slowly fell asleep next to Lucifer, distantly you wondered if being on his stomach was uncomfortable, but then you remembered he was an angel and they didn’t really get uncomfortable. 

You were running again, sprinting away from the figure, the white wings, the blood, you had to escape or he would kill you. You panicked as you heard him flying after you, heard the bones cracking the screams he cried, you were so afraid and as he drew closer, you could feel him at your back, he grabbed you. The pain that rippled through you body made you shoot up out of your bed a scream held in your throat, forced down, you didn’t want anyone to hear you scream, you didn’t want anyone to know your fears, know your past. After you calmed down for a moment you laid back down and curled into a ball crying silently into your hands, you hadn’t thought that dream would have triggered you, but it did and you were sobbing silently into your hands whimpering over and over again ‘I’m so sorry’. You eventually felt something brush your back and you froze thinking something was in your room, but then heard the ruffle of feathers and you knew it was wings which made you whimper again, but as you looked you only saw Lucifer's wings and they looked so warm and inviting and protective and all you could do was move over to him. To your surprise the wings move on their own accord and wrapped around you cocooning you and you whimpered, but you felt so safe and your heart started to slow down again as your breathing calmed and your mind settled. You laid there snuggled close to Lucifer his wings around you and all you could do was sniffle slightly as you fell back asleep this time not plagued by nightmares. 

The next day you woke up feeling warm, safe and completely rested, almost like the nightmare last night never happened. Today was when Sam and Dean were leaving on their hunt, they were going to leave tomorrow, but they were both itching to get out of the bunker and hunt again. It was surprising that they hadn’t left earlier, but they didn’t want to leave you alone with Lucifer, they didn’t trust him, but you were more than okay with that. As they left you went to your room and sat down next to Lucifer, “Castiel?” You called softly, he always came when you called, he was such an attentive angel and so kind. You heard the distinct sound of his wings and smiled when he came over, “Is there something you need?” He asked, he sounded kind and his voice was as rough as ever which made you smile more, it wasn’t like Lucifer, but it was comforting to hear it, “I… I know that Dean gave you the key to the bonds.” You said and looked to Lucifer who looked so peaceful and so vulnerable at the same time, “He did.” Castiel confirmed probably already guessing where you were going with this, “I know… I know why Dean didn’t give it to me, but... “ You said then trailed off looking at your lap, “You and the guys are going out and I don’t know when you will be back.” You said and bit your lip, “I know you can pop in and out and everything, but… Would you be willing to give me the key to his bonds?” You asked your voice almost desperate, you couldn’t stand the sight of Lucifer in chains, those horrible inscribed things that keep him locked in place for however long the boys chose, you didn’t want them to have that kind of power over him, he was a magnificent arch angel who should be treated with respect and reverence, not hate and malice. Castiel smiled at you kindly, he could read your mind, he probably already had and knew what you planned to do, but he simply grabbed the key from his coat and handed it to you, “Do not worry, I will not tell Dean or Sam.” He said and you smiled at him as you hugged him, “Thank you Castiel.” You said and he hugged back, already knowing what the gesture meant, “You’re welcome.” He said and after you pulled apart he flew back to the boys and they all left while you stayed in your room looking at Lucifer and holding the key. You waited a couple hours before you went over and unlocked the chains and bonds, “You’re finally free.” You said softly and sighed as you put the chains on the ground and gently maneuvered him to lay on his back with his wings gently folded behind him, “There.” You said softly and leaned down pressing a kiss to his forehead, “I won’t disturb you anymore.” You said, “I… I don’t know if you can hear me, but… If you can I will be in the dungeon putting away the chains and then I’m going to make lunch for myself.” You said as you ran your fingers through his hair gently. You sighed softly and smiled, “You are so beautiful.” You said and hummed, “I will be back.” You said to him and then you left taking the chains with you to the dungeon.  
You made your way down and frowned as you got the door. You hated this place, it reminded you of… That place… You shook your head as if to shake away the memories and went to where they stored their chains. You smiled seeing how Dean had pegs on a peg board he installed and put the chains in a pentagram shape, “You guys are obsessed.” You said to yourself as you placed the chains you had in the same formation, you always kept their things neat and tidy. You sighed softly and took the cuffs and hung them where they go and made sure the keys were put next to them, you weren’t going to lose these items, they were important to Dean and Sam and their hunting. 

As you were putting things away you heard the door close and you felt your skin crawl, this place was not somewhere you wanted to be trapped inside. You swallowed thickly and looked at the door though it was hidden by the shelves, “D-Dean? Sam?” You called your voice cracking slightly, you knew, distantly, it wasn’t them, they don’t play these kinds of games, not since they had figured out something very personal about you. You bit your bottom lip to keep it from quivering in fear, already you could feel your hands tremble and you were scared, “O-Okay guys, jokes over.” You said hearing footsteps each one louder than the last which made your heart jump with each one as it picked up speed and you could feel terror rising in your mind. You stood as still as the grave your breath picking up as you waited for something anything. When you watched the person come into view you nearly had a heart attack because you thought it was Michael. You let out a scream of terror slamming against the pegboard terrified. Unfortunately that caused a lot of the things to fall and a knife that was hanging up fell, it was one of the larger heavier knives and it lodged itself right in your shoulder, not deep, it wasn’t that far in, but it hurt like a bitch and you screamed again this time holding your shoulder and sliding down against the wall cowering. The angel moved closer and you ripped the knife from your shoulder, you couldn’t leave it in, it was too painful. The blood was pulsing out of the wound, but it wasn’t anything life threatening. You didn’t bother throwing the knife or trying to defend yourself, you were no match for an archangel especially without an angel blade. You swallowed thickly as you watched the archangel walk towards you, you assumed this was the end, Michael found you and was going to kill you for bringing Lucifer back, “I’m so sorry Lucifer.” You though as you closed your eyes, “Wherever I go I will always remember you.” You added and then let your mind rewind back to the warmth and love and protection of Lucifer’s wings. That memory held a specially place in your heart and mind, you would never forget it, no matter what. As you sat there holding your shoulder you had tears streaming down your face and the footsteps had stopped, there was no noise and it frightened you even more. You chanced a look at the being and felt your heart stop in your chest, “L-Lucifer?” You asked your voice barely a whisper and his wings looked to be in an aggressive stance which only turned more aggressive when you looked at them. You immediately turned your gaze down and close your eyes for good measure, “I-I’m so sorry.” You say quickly your voice trembling and breaking from fear, you knew this was a possibility. Looking at an angels wings in like staring at someone when they are naked, it’s an invasion of privacy in the highest degree and some angels even killed other beings because they looked at their wings without permission. You whimpered quietly as you felt the archangel grab the lapels of your shirt and hoist you up without so much as a sound from him. You didn’t open your eyes, you weren’t going to give him a good reason to kill you, it was bad enough that he probably hated you, but now he was going to kill you too. You whimpered as tears fell down your cheeks afraid to do anything other than try to remain as pliant and submissive as possible, angels tend to be very… Dominant about things, most anyway, they had an alpha/omega life style up in heaven something you had no idea was even possible for angels, but okay. You knew archangels were the alpha of the alphas and Lucifer was top alpha even over Michael, you knew the gravity of this situation better than any human and even some angels. 

Lucifer looked you over, holding you against the wall painfully so, but you didn’t open your eyes, “Do you know the punishment for bonding with an angel without their consent?” He growled his voice dark and you whimpered, but nodded, “Y-Yes sir.” You answered your voice strained and fearful, “Do you know what you have done by bonding with me?” He seethed and you swallowed thickly seeing light through your eyelids, he was showing his true self and you knew what he was going to do, you were going to die, but you had one last thing to say, “Before you… Smite me.” You said regaining temporary use of your voice, “Please let me have a last word.” You asked him bowing your head submissively, you knew how to act and what to do around an archangel, how to keep from pissing them off like Dean and Sam seem to do ALL THE TIME. Lucifer’s stance changed from threatening to intrigued in a matter of seconds and you took that as a sign of allowance, “I-I know what I’ve done is… Inexcusable, abhorrent and simply and utterly disgusting. I bonded my soul with your grace without any consent from you, I have been staring and touching your wings unrestricted without your consent, and I have caused you pain.” You started and you could see the light, he was angry, “I knew the consequences even before I committed my crimes, but…” You continued and swallowed thickly, “I would do it again if it meant saving you.” You said and then the light dimmed slightly, “I know you hate me, I’ve broken almost every rule there is to break about angel wings, but… I… I…” You started, but felt the words gettings stuck in your throat. You had to tell him, if he was attacking you now then he probably didn’t hear what you said when he was unconscious, “I love you Lucifer.” You said your voice more confident than you felt, “I couldn’t live without you, even if that meant living with you hating me, or even you killing me in the end.” You said and sniffled as your tears fell, “I’m so sorry for all my transgressions I’ve committed against you, I beg your forgiveness and accept any and all consequences of my actions.” You said sniffling and stuttering your way through. When you were finished you simply hung your head, eyes closed, waiting for him to smite you or hurt you in anyway. Only… it never came. You swallowed and tried to keep as relaxed as you could, your eyes still closed, you knew not to look at his wings unless given direct permission. You didn’t move at all, he was still keeping you held up by your shirt and you could feel it ripping, knew it wouldn’t last long the way he was handling it, but you didn’t dare move or say a word. After a moment he set you down and you didn’t know what to do, but you didn’t move or say anything, you didn’t know what he was doing. Seconds passed and you felt your heart speed up as you swallowed down a whimper, he hadn’t hurt you yet you were ready to flinch and cry. It wasn’t until you heard the fluttering of wings did you realize… He left. 

You suddenly felt cold at the realization that the archangel you merged your soul with had simply left you here, alone. You swallowed thickly and stood still afraid that he would come back and you would accidentally look at his wings. You stood there for God knows how long. You didn’t move, you didn’t eat, you just stood there eyes closed praying for him to come back. While it was scary having him here, it was terrifying and painful for him to be gone, to be so far away. Your heart longed for him, begged for his return, and as time went on you realized he wouldn’t come back, he wasn’t going to look at you the same. You had ruined this relationship, this… Whatever it was. Eventually you sunk to your knees, you didn’t know how long it had been, but you knew it was going on almost a day now. You were exhausted, hungry, dirty, and all sorts of cold and uncomfortable, but you tried so hard not to move. When you felt you legs give out you tried to stand again, tried to get into position and not move, wait for him to come back, as if standing there like a tree would bring him back, but you knew, distantly, he would never return to you. As you tried to stand again you simply collapsed and, finally losing your determination, you curled into a ball and sobbed until you passed out. 

You had terrible nightmares, Michael plagued them, chased you, hunted you like a dog. Sometimes he actually caught you and those parts were reminiscent of your past, the abuse, the pain, the humiliation. You were trapped within your own mind and nothing seemed to wake you, when you died you just restarted in a different place. When you finally did wake up, you were screaming and weak, you felt sick and like someone had taken a lead pipe to your entire body. You groaned and whimpered sniffling, you knew you were probably sick with something, but no one was here to take care of you or help you in any fashion. You sighed, it wasn’t the first time you had to take care of yourself and you knew it wouldn’t be the last. You dragged yourself off the floor fighting to keep steady as you walked to the kitchen and found some kind of soup. Thankfully Dean and Sam kept soup around because it took forever before it went bad. You heated up a little and ate it slowly, you knew what you had, it was simply instinct, and if you ate too much food you would end up puking it up later. After the small meal you went to your room and took a shower, nothing long, just a hot shower to clean yourself and help to relax the tense muscles. When you finished you went to your bed, no point in dressing, no one else was here and no one would be here for the next week at least, the boys had a tendency of being gone a long time for hunts and it wasn’t uncommon for them to pick up another job after they finished the first one. You climbed into bed feeling much better than before, and warmer, and you snuggled down close to your blankets, you’d even gotten extra ones from the closet, you were cold and you didn’t want to get even worse. As you laid there you tried to remember Lucifer’s wings wrapped around you like before, he was so peaceful and looked so vulnerable. You had thought… Maybe, just maybe, he would have been less cruel to you, at the very least, for setting his wings and grooming them, they were so beautiful and soft. You sigh softly imagining how warm they were, how gentle he was when he wrapped them around you in his unconscious state. You longed to go back to that time, sometime when he hadn’t woken up, hadn’t hated you yet, hadn’t left you to rot alone and afraid. You shivered and whimpered, you missed him, it almost hurt to be without him, but you just chocked it up to the fact that you had gotten used to him being here with you and now that he was gone it left a hole in your heart. You sniffled, not realizing you had started crying, and slowly fell into a restless sleep.

Castiel’s POV

It was in the evening, when the boys were asleep, that he was just sitting in the hotel room wondering how Lucifer was doing. He worried for his brother so much, he hoped that the tender love and care he was being given would help to heal him quickly and he would feel a little bit safe. As Castiel went over his mind what his brother might have done he felt a twinge on his grace and knew he was being called, only one could call him like this. He looked to Sam and Dean making sure they were asleep and checked their salt lines just as a precaution before he flew to where he was being called, “Brother, you are awake.” Castiel said smiling, but it dropped immediately when he saw how angry Lucifer was. Castiel had seen Lucifer’s anger before, it scared him before, but he wouldn’t back down, he wasn’t afraid of his brother no matter how much Lucifer wished him to be at times. Lucifer looked at Castiel, glared at him, “What have you done?” He asked finally and Castiel tilted his head, “I do not understand your question.” He said honestly, there were many things Lucifer could be referring to and Castiel was at a loss to which one. If looks could kill Castiel would already be dead, “Why did you let that human bond with me.” He growled, and suddenly Castiel understand everything, but the first thing he asked wasn’t what he expected at all, “What have you done to him?” Castiel asked, his own anger growing as his wings started to posture into an aggressive display, “Lucifer.” Castiel growled, he thought of you as dear as Lucifer, even though you were human. It says something when the archangel took a step back surprised that Castiel would challenge him, “I’ve done nothing to him.” He responded his voice guarded and Castiel looked at him hard, he didn’t need to speak again for Lucifer to speak, “I woke up and found him in your ‘dungeon’.” He said, “I threatened him then left, he was just fine, just sniveling on the floor.” He said and Castiel’s wings fluffed up in anger, he was ready to kill Lucifer, “Do you know what happens when the bonded loses the one they’ve bonded with?” He asked his voice slow so Lucifer would understand, but no less angry. The archangel looked at him affronted, “Nothing, angels have left their bonded angels and nothing happens.” He said rolling his eyes, but Castiel took a step forward, he was ready to attack out of anger, “When you bond with a human and leave them with no intention of coming back, it slowly rips them apart.” He said, “He suffered to keep you alive without any thought to himself. I didn’t know if the process to save you would kill him, his screams are seared into my memory forever more.” Castiel said and shook his head, “That man was willing to die for you, had accepted an excruciating death just so you could live the life you wanted.” He said and Castiel’s wings started to droop, “That man, he loves you, but you’re too blind and stupid to see it.” Castiel said narrowing his eyes and Lucifer was just shocked into silence, “He was the one who took care of you when and fought for you when Dean and Sam wanted to just kill you right then and there. He had no fear of those two, his soul and heart were on fire, something I’ve only ever seen with a handful of people.” He said and Castiel shook his head, “He would never blame you if you let him die like this, I know him. He will blame himself for everything, he’ll second guess himself, he will regret it all.” Castiel said and shook his head, “I bet he’s already doing that, apologizing to you over and over again, but he will never expect your forgiveness, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he touched your wings without consent.” Castiel looked down and sighed, his wings relaxing, “He read everything I gave him on angel wings several times before he even touched your wings, he was so scared to touch them in the beginning, afraid he would hurt you.” He said and looked to Lucifer, “That man only ever had, and still has, your best interest in mind. He spent an entire week grooming your wings to near perfection because he wanted you to be proud of them again.” He said and sighed, “Then the next week he corrected the bones, he knew the moment he touched your wings you would not be happy, but he did it anyway because he didn’t care what it took to make your wings what they used to be.” He said and then looked to Lucifer, “That man will die for you, even now.” He told him and then narrowed his eyes, “He’s given you a second chance, doesn’t he deserve credit?” He asked then took a step back and turned around, “I can’t control you, you have always done what you wanted to do, but before you write him off so easily remember one thing.” Castiel said and after a moment he turned around to look at Lucifer, “He’s always believed in you, trusted you with his very life, loved you till the very end, or what he thought would be the end, will you cast him away like dad did you?” He asked and Lucifer looked to Castiel, he hadn’t spoken a word or even moved since Castiel started to speak, but that caught his attention, “Dad threw you out even though all you ever did was love him, will you do the same thing to him that dad did to you?” He asked and with that he left, Castiel was finished talking, he didn’t want to hear what Lucifer had to say, his excuses or his lies. Lucifer just stood there mulling things over in his mind, thinking an awful lot about you.

Back in the bunker you were trying to sleep, unsuccessfully, and all you could do was lay there in bed to weak to get up and too tired breathe properly. You were so uncomfortable and miserable that you just laid there with you mouth propped open trying to get at least some rest. It wasn’t much, but you were able to doze for the most part until you felt hungry and then you just wanted to die, “You deserve this for all that you did to Lucifer.” You thought and that made you whimper, the hate burning in his eyes haunted your dreams, you had nightmares that he would come and hurt you like Michael. You gasped and sat up trying to push those thoughts away, Lucifer wouldn’t... Lucifer hadn’t hurt you, he only scared you, albeit quite a lot, but he only scared you; At least, that’s what you told yourself. In actuality, Lucifer had left a bruise on your neck in the shape of his hand and it hurt to swallow and speak now. You sat there for a moment for you decided it would be best to go to the bathroom and take a shower, you needed to keep yourself clean if you wanted to get better. It was a difficult battle, but you forced your left to get up and pee. It was a unanimous decision that you sat down to pee this time simply because you couldn’t stand for long periods of time. You were very thankful that this place had such great water pressure as you turned the water on the shower on. It was nice that Dean had installed a couple water heaters for the showers. You made sure to make it as hot as you could stand and then you went in very carefully, it was difficult to stand for so long, but there was a bar in the shower for when you bathed so you easily held that when you felt a little dizzy. When you finished you felt so much better and could actually breathe through your nose. You got out and dried off, getting dressed into some flannel pajamas, they were the warmest things you owned. After you changed the sheets on your bed and got new blankets, you didn’t want to be laying in your own filth even if you didn’t want to actually move. By the time you finished all of that you had no more energy to get something to eat and decided to just lay down and rest, you could eat later really, you weren’t that hungry anyway. You hadn’t eaten all day, but you were so tired and sick that you had no energy to feel hungry or even think about what you could possibly make for food. You were finally able to fall back into a light doze when a noise alerted you and you tensed, it sounded like wings, but you didn’t know who’s wings, were they Castiel, Lucifer… Michael? That last one made you whimper and you didn’t know what to do. You grabbed the gun under your pillow, it was a stupid thing to grab, but it was the only thing you had to protect yourself with and, as quickly as you could, pointed it at the figure in your room, but you were so shocked, and afraid, when you saw who it was, “L-Lucifer?” You asked and then immediately looked down closing your eyes, you didn’t dare look at his wings, already afraid again. The gun was tossed to the floor, there was no point in pretending you could defend yourself, especially against this archangel, you could never hurt him, even if he were going to kill you. 

He walked around, you could hear him, and he stopped by your bed. You didn’t know what to do, should you say something? What could you possibly say? What if he was here to kill you? You lingered on that thought and tears pricked your eyes, even though they were closed. If he was here to kill you then so be it, you couldn’t stop him, but… You didn’t want to either. You loved him more than life itself and if he was here to kill you or hurt you again, well you wouldn’t stop him. All you wanted to do was apologize over and over, but as the words were beginning to form you felt bile rise and you scrambled for the bucket next to your bed. You wretched into it, you’d been doing this for a day now and it was miserable. When you were just dry heaving you wiped your mouth and laid back down panting as tears streamed down your face, it was so painful to puke, not only did your body ache, but the bruise on your throat hurt so badly that tears of pain inevitably formed. You panted trying so hard to will the pain away, the fear, but it didn’t work. You opened your eyes weakly and saw Lucifer standing above you just looking down with a blank expression, you blinked and then felt so weak and tired. You didn’t want to fall asleep, you were trying so hard to stay awake and wait for Lucifer to say something to you or… do something to you. Your tears never stopped and finally you couldn’t take it anymore even as you were slowly passing out, “I-I’m so sorry.” You tried to say, but it was almost impossible to understand, you hoped that Lucifer would though. 

Lucifer looked down at you and was so confused, you had a gun, but you didn’t pull the trigger. Sure you both knew it would do nothing, but anyone else would have pulled the trigger regardless of how sick they were or how weak. He knew he hurt you, he could see the bruise on your neck and that irked him. He was so shocked when he saw you puke and then pass out, but before you did you apologized once again. Lucifer was so confused by you, no one would apologize to their attacker, no one would be this respectful to them, no one would just pass out in the presence of the person who probably had ill will towards them, but you… You did. Lucifer was so confused by you and so he simply sat on a chair and watched you trying to figure you out.

You slept, it was the first actual rest you got simply because your body was forcing you to rest, but… Your mind was running rampant. As you blacked out you woke up outside, it was dark and it was cold and you were afraid. You didn’t know how, but you knew that the bunker was nearby and you had to get there so instinct took over and you ran. As you ran you saw Lucifer fighting with Michael and fear stuck you, you saw the two of them, but they hadn’t seen you yet. You knew you could keep running and get to safety, but… Lucifer wasn’t winning the fight, in fact he was losing quite obviously, he looked injured his wing looked damaged and you were in the position to either run to safety or risk your life for him. Without a thought you ran to the bunker, but not for safety. You quickly grabbed an angel blade and ran back out, you had to save Lucifer, you couldn’t let him die, you couldn’t. You panted heavily as you ran back and saw that Lucifer was on the ground, Michael standing over him about to strike the final blow. You didn’t know what to do, but you ran to them, it was all you could do. As you drew close you gripped the angel blade and as you saw Michael move to strike Lucifer you jumped on him. As you did you sunk the blade into his heart and the archangel fell to the ground. You were tense from the running and hyped up on the adrenaline, but you could feel it. Lucifer didn’t take Michael’s angel blade, you had. The blade was off to the side, but you had a wound on your shoulder and the pain was intense. You cried out and grabbed your shoulder looking down and seeing the blood pouring out of it. You whimpered and stood going over to Lucifer looking him over trying to see if he had any wounds, but he didn’t. He looked perfect, in fact Lucifer was completely untouched while Michael looked like the one who was worse for ware. You were confused by that, but it was pushed the back of your mind when Lucifer started to move. You looked down at him tears falling down your face as you watched him hoping he was waking up. He opened his eyes and looked at you then he vanished and you gasped. You were on your knees in the forest by Michael’s dead body and you were bleeding out. You ripped off your shirt and pressed it to the wound on your shoulder, you were going to die, but not without a fight. You weakly crawled to a tree and leaned against it panting and whimpering and then you heard wings and opened your eyes to see Lucifer in front of you just staring down at you. You looked up at him and smiled small thinking he was here to help, but he just stared at you and you were confused. He wasn’t going to help? You looked at the ground searching for something, but there was nothing to help stop the bleeding as your shirt soaked up all the blood. You looked at Lucifer afraid now, “P-Please, h-help.” You stuttered out, but he just looked at you with cold eyes and you felt betrayed somehow. The pain was debilitating at this point and the heartache was unbearable. As the darkness closed in you whimpered, “I-I’m sorry.” After that you blacked out. You shot up in your bed only to be grabbed by someone and you cried out in fear. All the memories of your past flooded you and you writhed out of whoevers arms and fell off the bed curling into a ball facing the floor and babbling, “P-Please, I-I’m so sorry, Please don’t hurt me.” You whimpered and held your head, “I-I’ll be good I swear, I-I’m good.” You said your voice desperate, “I-I’m a good boy, please don’t hurt me master.” You begged whoever was there, you had reverted back to your old ways living in fear, not knowing if you would live to see another day. All you did was lay there curled into a ball in a bowing position your face to the ground and your hands covering your head. When the kick to the head didn’t come or even any words from your master you lifted your head just a little bit to look around. You felt some much relief when you saw you were in the bunker and not that nightmare of a life. You let out a sob and held your face, you had done everything you could to push those memories aside, but they came rushing back to the forefront of your mind simply by a nightmare. 

That was when you remembered someone grabbed you and you sat up looked around and saw Lucifer. You felt shame fill you and you looked away tears filling your eyes again. You wished he had just killed you, it would have made life so much easier, but no, he had to torture you and hurt you, wasn’t it enough that you would never feel the love you desired since you first saw him? Wasn’t it enough the horror you went through in the past? Wasn’t it enough that even now you would give your life for him no matter what? Why must he torment you so? You didn’t move from your spot, you were pinned there by shame, fear and Lucifer’s gaze. You hated yourself, hated your body, hated your life, but you could never hate Lucifer, even if he had hurt you. All you did was sit there looking down feeling shame overwhelm you, but you didn’t do anything, the scars were there for him to see, your shirt had some off in the struggle off the bed and now he could plainly see the scars on your back, your chest, everywhere. You felt chills as the cool air chilled your skin, but you didn’t move to warm yourself up, Lucifer hadn’t said anything and you had already done enough damage already. You swallowed and winced the pain still great in your neck, “I-I’m sorry.” You said finally, a few tears falling, you didn’t know what to do at this point other than apologize, that’s all you had left, just apologies and shame. Lucifer still hadn’t said a word and you wanted to hide from him, you were afraid of him, afraid of what he thought of you, afraid of what he would say to you. You’ve already had your self esteem broken to bits, your mind shattered, your heart ripped apart, what more could anyone do, “You’re ugly.” Lucifer said and you felt like ripping your own heart out, “I-I’m sorry.” You stuttered and grabbed the blanket covering yourself, if your body was so offensive why had he not said something before? You felt your chest caving in on itself, you’re an ugly, scarred, useless sack of flesh. No one wants you, even the one who you’ve given the most for doesn’t want you, why would he? You could feel Lucifer’s eyes on you as you knelt there on the floor and you swallowed and winced again, “Why are you wincing?” He asked his voice neutral, but you could practically hear the irritation, “Y-You grabbed my throat when you w-woke up and n-now it’s bruised.” You said and felt panic rise, “B-But it was m-my fault.” You said stumbling over your words, “I-I shouldn’t have… I-It wasn’t my place t-to…” Every time you started to say it you trailed off and whimpered, “I-I’m so sorry.” You said weakly, why was he doing this? Why is he being like this? You just sat there holding the blanket tight around yourself covering your body and keeping yourself just a little bit warmer. You were starting to feel so dizzy and just completely exhausted, but you didn’t dare move from your position on the floor, you weren’t about to move, something kept you glued to the floor. 

You sat there for about five minutes before Lucifer walked in front of you, you could see his feet and the tips of his wings, but you immediately closed your eyes not wanting to look at them without permission, “Why?” He asked in a voice that was unreadable. You felt so confused, why what? You wracked your brain for an answer, but you didn’t know, “W-Why what?” You asked hesitantly, was this something you should know right off the bat? You could hear Lucifer shift his weight, but other than that nothing else, “Why did you do it?” He asked again, “Why did you bond with me?” He clarified and you felt your heart sink, if he was asking that then he didn’t know your feelings. You had given up your life for him almost and he asks why. You sighed quietly and frowned, there wasn’t anything to lose at this point, he already hated you, “Because I love you.” You said then looked up at him your eyes full of fear and pain, but also love, you always loved him, even if he scared you, hurt you, hated you. You would always love Lucifer. After a moment you looked down again so as not to look at his wings, you didn’t want to look if he didn’t want you to, “Castiel was right.” He said and you were confused by that statement. Castiel? What did he have to do with this? You were trying to figure out what Castiel had to do with this when Lucifer picked you up bridal style and placed you on the bed. You gasped and flinched when he did this, but after you were on the bed you just sat there because Lucifer kept his hands on your shoulders, “Don’t sit up.” He said and then he left and you were laying there trying to figure out what was going on. You didn’t know what he was going to do, but normally when anything involved the bed it was always a horrible experience and you couldn’t help but whimper and out let tears of fear. You curled into a ball on the bed and tried to push out the old memories, tried to forget the experiences of you weak on a bed with another man who could easily overpower you and make you do whatever he wanted or do whatever he wanted to you. 

When Lucifer returned you could feel him in the room and you just laid there afraid. You didn't want know what it was, but he had something with him and you were worried it was something to hurt you with. When he gently grabbed you and positioned you on the bed, under the covers, you were confused. You didn't open your eyes, you didn't want to see his wings, he hadn't given you permission to and you doubted he ever would. When he touched your face you flinched and then could hear his frown and that upset you, “I-I’m sorry.” You said and then Lucifer sighed and you felt so at a loss that you just sniffled and tried to be as still as you could, you wouldn’t try to stop him from doing anything, he was an angel. What could you do? 

He placed a hand on your cheek and you didn’t flinch as much this time, “Don’t be sorry.” He said softly and you were stilled by his voice, he didn’t sound anything like before. You were instantly put at ease by his voice, so much so that you didn’t even realize he was still speaking, “I… After I woke up I was confused where I was, but I could sense you were somewhere.” He said and you could feel the frown forming, “I… I just knew what you did and it angered me.” He said and you felt your bottom lip quiver, “I-I’m sorry.” You sputtered out, but he placed a finger on your lips, “Stop saying that.” He said softly in that voice that instantly melted you, “I’m… I’m not angry anymore.” He said and you were shocked enough to open your eyes and look at his confusion painted over your face. You didn’t notice his wings and he didn’t seem angered by you looking at his eyes. He looked so calm, nothing like before, and he continued, “I was angered because I didn’t want you to bond with me, and not in that way. I simply mean I didn’t want you bonded to a broken, condemned and hated creature.” He said and your eyes filled with tears, but he didn’t let you speak, the finger pressed against your lips still, “I was so angry that you had just thrown away your soul like that, I wanted you to hate me, fear me, never speak to me again and find someone who deserves you, but…” He trailed off and looked down breaking eye contact, “I spoke with Cas after a few days and he told me what would happen to you I left you like I did.” He said and then shook his head, “I abandoned you without any provocation other than my own anger and pain.” He said and looked back up, “If I stayed away for too long you would wither away and die. Angels don’t feel these effects simply because we are everlasting, we live for eternity, but you humans are so fragile and temporary that the pain it would cause you would tear your soul apart and slowly kill you.” He said and looked down, “I… I didn’t know that until Cas spoke with me about what I did.” He said and sighed, “Needless to say I didn’t want to believe him, I refused to accept that, I didn’t want you to be… stuck with me, but after I looked into it I found out what happens when an angel leaves their bonded human and the results were… I would never wish that upon you.” He said and looked back to you, “I… I know I probably scare you now, I preyed on your fears and used the trust you put in me to hurt you…” He started and you knew what he meant, Lucifer knew all about your past, the pain, the torment, the shame and humiliation, “You begged my forgiveness for bonding with me, for saving me, but you should never have had to do that, you did nothing wrong.” He said and you swallowed thickly, “You merely did all you could to save the creature you loved.” He said and then he stood and backed away, you already missed his touch, “The fact that you keep apologizing for trying to save me only adds to your character, despite all that you have given up for me, you still believe you have wronged me in some way, but you haven’t.” He said and then knelt, “I’m afraid I have acted shamefully.” He said and then bowed, “I have harmed you, both physically and emotionally, and I understand that you may never look at me the same because of that…” He trailed off and you could almost hear him gathering his courage, “But… I beg your forgiveness… I beg you to give me another chance.” He said his voice trembling and you couldn’t even speak your tears fell so quickly and your throat was constricting and keeping you from speaking. Lucifer heard no reply and you could see his wings were trembling as well, he was afraid. 

You knew you couldn’t speak, but you could move so you got up and went to him on the floor simply kneeling down and pulling him to you. You’ve never seen Lucifer act this way and you never wanted to see him like this ever again so you just held him and pressed your face to his neck trembling, “Please forgive me.” He begged and you just nodded, “I-I do.” You croaked and you could feel and hear his relief as he wrapped himself around you. It was a surge of energy through your body that made you tense in his arms, not afraid, but contented and then you realized you didn’t feel sick anymore. You pulled away and looked up Lucifer, but his wings caught your eyes. You looked at them and Lucifer noticed which made you look at him and then down, “I-I’m sorry.” You said realizing that he hadn’t given you permission to look at his wings, you didn’t want to upset him, especially after all of that, but he just chuckled and lifted your chin with two of his fingers, “We are bonded, you and I, that means that I can see your soul and you can see my wings.” He said, “There is nothing that separates us anymore.” He said and rubbed the back of his neck, “In layman's terms basically you can look at my wings whenever you wish and I can look at, and feel, your soul.” He said and you nodded, “I-I just… You haven’t given me permission and I don’t… I mean I guess I already did for three weeks, but… I don’t want to invade your privacy.” You said looking at him worried and he laughed, something you haven’t heard from him before, and shook his head, “You really did read everything didn’t you?” He asked and then he caressed your cheek which you instantly leaned into, “Let me make this very clear.” He said and then, while you were slightly dazed by his gentle touch, he leaned down and captured your lips with his kissing you passionately, taking your breath away. When he pulled away you gasped and he smiled, “You have unrestricted access to my wings whenever you desire.” He said and you smiled as well then blushed and looked down, “And what about to the rest of you?” You asked timidly and you could hear the smirk Lucifer gave you, “Why don’t I just show you what you have unrestricted access to.” He whispered and you felt arousal build in your cock filling it out. You had wanted him for so long and now you can finally have him, you would do anything he asked of you. All the hangups you had about sex and sexually intimate things were tossed out the window, Lucifer knew everything and he still loved you through it all, nothing was better than this and you couldn’t find it in yourself to be afraid of him. You smiled up at him, “I love you.” You said and Lucifer stood picking you up bridal style, “I know.” He said before he placed you on the bed. It was a very good night and as it turns out the boys were going to be gone for a few weeks because, as usual, they found a case after they finished the last one. Needless to say, you and Lucifer were very happy to have the bunker all to yourselves.


End file.
